Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
