there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
