Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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