nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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