Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
