so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
