Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
