the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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