his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it glows. i had to have it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
