I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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