tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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