Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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