i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
