i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
