I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
