You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
