we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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