I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
