if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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