Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
