Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
