Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
