hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
