The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
