The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
