you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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