I can tuck mytits in my pants
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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