I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
