There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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