Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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