i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
