I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
