I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
