The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
