he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
