I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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