u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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