I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
