You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
