i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
