weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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