Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
