my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
