so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
