the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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