I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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