Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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