if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
