watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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