i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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